20251018
It's getting bad again.
The anxious thoughts are getting noisy, making it hard for me to function.
I can't eat without feeling like throwing up. Once I start crying, I can't seem to stop. I didn’t expect to be back in this place—so soon, and so intensely.
I’m doing my best to manage it. Yesterday, I returned to my safe space: the university Church I grew up in. I asked God for guidance, hoping for a way through the noise. I cried until I felt a slight relief.
Being with Chev helps too. He is so supportive, and I feel calm when I'm with him. Sometimes I worry I’m not as good to him as he is to me. We spent a beautiful morning together, first hearing Mass at the same Church, then had breakfast at our favorite coffee shop.
But now I’m home again, and the thoughts are back. I’m trying to externalize them through WorryBox, and it’s helping. Yet I wonder: am I feeding my worries by trying to manage them so actively? Would it be better to distract myself or face them head-on?
I need to work. I need my mind back.